Why do I write?

Why do I write?
I write because nobody hears my voice
Why do I write?
I write because it helps me make sense of the muddled words in my head.
My half thoughts- fledglings.
Why do I write?
Because if I help one person it will be worth the aching wrist, blistered fingers, hours of mental block.
Why do I write?
I write for my life, I write for my sanity, I write for survival.
Why do I write?
Because I haven't the confidence to act, or to talk aloud. My poems are the script to my life, the footnotes of my entire existence. Alice.

© Alice Daley 2013

Sadness is not depression.

Sadness is not depression

Sadness is an emotion
Depression is a disease

Sadness passes in time
Depression deepens in time

Sadness has a reason
Depression strikes without cause

Sadness is curable
Depression is terminal

© Alice Daley 2013

Paranoid.

They say I'm paranoid
And I'd agree with them
But is that bad?
Better safe than sorry
Right? Right?
You're watching
Watching me
You know me
My every move
You follow me
So I'm paranoid
But better safe than dead
Right? Right?

© Alice Daley 2013

Attention.

Shouting loudly
Screaming noisily
They crave attention
They get the spotlight
All eyes on them
I sit silently
My mind is rotting
I do not shout
I do not scream
I am not superior
Just different
My comfort is
In pen and paper
Not humans.

© Alice Daley 2013

Simplicity.

I wish I could write songs
Simple songs. Love songs.
With simplicity.

Beans on toast songs
Happy songs with happy words
Silly songs. Just simplicity.

Two-a-penny songs
Childish songs. Funny songs.
I wish I could write songs
With simplicity.

Listen Here

© Alice Daley 2013

Unwritten.

Blank pages
Unwritten
No story
My story
Undone
Rewritten
Scribbles
On canvas
Prologue
Epilogue
My story
Splattered
Across pages
Blank pages
Unwritten
Remoulded
Retold
Remembered
Whispered
My story
Undone
Rewritten
Autobiography
Of my life
Scrawled on
Blank pages
Unwritten

© Alice Daley 2013

Present.

My past is not the problem
My future's still to come
At present the voices scream
They shout and scare me
Echoes from my past?
I don't think so
My past is irrelevant
My future's uncertain
But the present is tough
My wrist aches
Churning out meaningless words
Whilst the voices ridicule
The snakes writhe around me
This is not due to my past
And if you help me, it will not be my future
But it is my present
And I don't like it
Please help me
Please.

© Alice Daley 2013

Blood.

Blood oozing, dripping from new scars
New stories, blood flowing,
Blood cleansing, endorphins rushing,
From brain cells, spirit crushing.
Clean blade shines in the night
Sweet, sharp silver refuge, my hero
Release me briefly from my torment
Addicted to the pain,
Those perfect ruby red beads of anger, loss.
Shameful but true, near death moments-
They keep me alive.

Listen Here

© Alice Daley 2013

Down and out.

Worn down
Tired out
Deluded and disillusioned
We wander
Ghostly steps through spooky woods
Our haunted past follows us
And we wander
Called on by our delusions
Worn down and tired out.

© Alice Daley 2013

Lonely.

Lonely.
The people here are lonely
Shadows searching for light
Lonely and alone
The people here are crazy
Clowns waiting for the night
Alone and abandoned
The people here are lost
Trying to find their way
Abandoned
The people here are abandoned
They're here to stay.

© Alice Daley 2013

Poison.

They are trying to poison me
Toxic. Poison.
They put it in my food
Toxic. Poison.
I cannot trust them
I am not safe here
They are trying to kill me
Toxic. Poison.

© Alice Daley 2013

All that's left.

Motionless, emotionless
My soul is a numb shell
Ice cold, lukewarm like tepid acid
I could bleed and I wouldn't notice
If hell froze over, would you be there?
As tears become icicles on my face
I look to the skies, their cloudy wisdom
All rebuke me, land and sea
This rotting corpse is still breathing
Can't you hear it screaming?
Begging for mercy,
Release me from this torment
Dear God above, save my soul
For compost or gold, it's all the same
To me, but it's worth more
Than my tormented remains
The tatters of one once strong
Are all that's left.

Listen Here

© Alice Daley 2013

Private.

My pain is private.
It's not to be exploited
My pain is private.
It's not to be laughed at
My pain is not your pain
It's different and strange
I can't understand your pain
I don't expect you to understand mine
My pain is private.
Leave me alone with my pain
Don't coax it out of me
You'll only spread it about
Whispered rumours on the breeze
Smirks and sniggers; I'm on my knees
My pain is private.
Leave me alone
Get out of my head
My pain is private.

© Alice Daley 2013

Reality.

What if my reality
Is not your reality?
Does it matter that I dream
Or is it wrong to be free?
Who can say what's true-
Can I? Can you?
We cannot, it is beyond us
Too great for our simple minds
In complex time, we ponder;
Who, why, what and where?
My reality is kind and gentle,
But what if yours is scary?
I cannot know, though I try.
If all this fades to dust
Who cares what colour the grass is?
Gentleness becomes contempt
And we rot in the lies
The bile of a generation
As we fade out to black
And my heaven,
Is not your heaven.

Listen Here

© Alice Daley 2013

Expression. An acrostic.

Express yourself, they say, for it is an-
X-ray into the soul, a window into the mind;
Perforation of your privacy
Report-writing, note-taking;
Even what is said in confidence is documented
So I shut my mouth with fear
Sew it up with silken lies
I won't let you in, not into my world
Only if you promise to keep it to yourself
Never trust a know it all- they tell it all as well.

Listen Here

© Alice Daley 2013

Disorder. An acrostic.

Disorder- that's a joke!
I'm not mad, no not I
So my dreams went up in smoke
Of course, now I want to die
Records hold the key to time
Don't you get it? I'm as sane as you!
Every word, straining to rhyme
Ricocheting, into the blue

Listen Here

© Alice Daley 2013

Dissociation. An acrostic.

Drifting away
In limbo
Slipping away
Sliding from reality
Only human
Clinging to reality
I can't hold on
Attack my senses
This fog goes on
It never relents
Only human
Now my mind fragments.

Listen Here

© Alice Daley 2013

Obsession. An acrostic.

Oh gosh, not again, playing with my head
Brain won't rest until order is restored
Selfishly protecting those I love from harm
Endless rituals to perform, or else-
So many possibilities, what'll come to be
Suffocating in my obligations
I cannot breathe, it is disordered
Oh gosh, not again, playing with my mind
No rest from my cruel master.

Listen Here

© Alice Daley 2013

Suspicious. An acrostic.

Suspecting the worst, always afraid
Under the influence of fear, like a spell
Stuck in this world, this reality I've made
Preoccupied with fate, my mind's unwell
Intrusive thoughts, whatever you say
Can't cope with your lies, not today
I hate the way my mind runs away
Overplays, overthinks, turns the colours grey
Understand, this is not my choice
So deeply afraid to raise my voice

Link Here

© Alice Daley 2013